Saturday, 17 November 2012

My Search Continues


It can be said, six years of living and six years of death. We all know that time never stops may it be for anyone. Either it is for a person who is living with sorrows or for a person who left the world in happiness. But there are always some grieves which remains untamed in heart. We all feel very adaptive to situation either we want to or not.

Sometimes we want to sit beside a person who is the source of ultimate energy to us when we are disappointed or want to get a hug of that unconditional love which makes us realise our efficiency to condemn circumstances for our own self. And when the presence is not felt we are afraid of losing someone at heart.

We all enjoy the festivity the colours and the lights. But as because of the absence of someone the colour of Holi fades and the lights Diwali dims. For few the reason to celebrate dissolves but still they manage to live a significant role for the wellbeing of others still associated with their living.

In those days of agitation and desperation the only feeling that comes to mind is the acceptance of circumstance in the way they are. Losing is never easy and realising the loss is tougher but at that very moment we must learn the art of accumulating the scattered parts of life.

When I lost my father I didn’t lost a person’s presence but I lost an attachment, an emotion and some moments that would have made my life much happier than it is today. It doesn’t mean I am not happy. I truly live my life but sometime I do miss those small little moments and laughs. Like I always wanted him to give me driving lessons, I always wanted him to be introduced to my friends and tell him “Dad these are the people who make me happy when I am not home, they take care of me and fetch me out of tough conditions in life and make me laugh.” I wished that I would have taken him out on a father-daughter dinner. And I wished to share my small little success with him showing him the trophies I won, or may be wrapping a warm muffler in winters to save him from cold. When my emotion to him erupted I used cuddle him and say “BABA” and he knew I just need his touch.

And the most I wanted was to make him happy. I do not believe that he is a sparkling star in the sky watching me up from there, though I believe that he is born again in this world with his new life he is the happiest being on earth and one day I will discover him again I will meet him again so that I could get the chance of saying him what I have been carrying in my heart from past six years. I want to say him sorry for the number of times I hurt him and I want to say how much I loved him and still love him. And my search continues.